middleagefella's

Claire plays the part of Anna the quality is not great as it had to be converted from the original DVD. Claire's Road Safety Film

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The above is from the pen of……. Bob

Claire was in the news today about the short film she was in. Back seat on the right in this news clip.

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The above is from the pen of……. Bob

Claire in the news [ 0:27 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (118)

There are a few companies that supply DVD's through the post.. I have tried a few but this company is good Cinema Paradiso

They start their rental at just £5.99 a month.. up to the normal £14.99 for the 3 DVD's at a time and unlimited monthly rentals. They have a free trial the first 4 DVD's are free.

And here is the best part ….

I have a few VIP Passes to pass around. Ok whats a VIP Pass.. well it gets you 6 free DVD's yes the first 6 DVD's are free and if you like the service just carry on and sign up.. What have you got to loose?

If anyone is interested just send me your email address and i will send the VIP Pass to you, the enail you recieve will contain the special link to the VIP section and the 6 DVD rentals.

You can use the contact me page (link under pages on the top right menu) or pop your email address in the text me sms box in the left menu near the botton.

Dont worry your email address will only be used to send the VIP Pass and not passed onto any others. People that know me will know its safe to do this. 

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The above is from the pen of……. Bob

As most of you know im a beta tester for Microsoft and we sometimes get a thank you gift.

Today i had package arrive via UPS.. and it was sent from Microsoft.. on opening it i found a laptop bag and a very good one at that.

The card attatched said this

Official Windows Live Messenger Computer Bag

THANK YOU!

Thanks for all your help in beta testing Windows Live Messenger. You helped us carry the load of releasing a successful product and we'd like to give you a Messenger Bag as a token of our appreciation. We hope you are as proud of Windows Live Messenger as we are.

Spread the good word!

Microsoft.

Now i just need a Laptop to put in it….. 

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The above is from the pen of……. Bob

Actual amout of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200

Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000

Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons

Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons

Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour

Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour

Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7

Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150

Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches

Average length when erect: 5.1

Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch

Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches

Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)

Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet

Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall

Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start excercising, lose weight.

Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, and wheat germ

Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%

Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%

Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks

Average # of erections per day for a man: 11

Average # of erections during the night: 9

Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches

The human equalivent: 26 miles (a marathon distance)

Time it takes the sperm: 2.5 seconds

Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours

Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)

Shelf life of a hostess twinkie: 7 years

Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100

Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm

Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm

Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm

# of times condoms are thicker that plastic wrap: almost 6

In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet.

Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste.

Dairy products can create a foul taste.

The taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest.

ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE.

Examples: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown

Drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun.

Odors that increase blood flow to the penis:lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. (Happy Thanksgiving!)

Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower.

It is common for men to wake up with "morning wood," a name for an a.m. erection.

Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false.

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The above is from the pen of……. Bob

I have today got myself a VoIP phone, its the Tesco Phone on their own service.

I can use this to ring other Tesco phones free of charge, and can ring any landline number in the worl for just 2p a min at any time of the day. To ring a mobile here is just 10p a min in the USA or Canada is also 2p a min other locations cost a bit more Australia mobiles are 13p a min.

It will also work on MSN so i can now ring any one on msn via the phone…

Why did i buy this phone? well i was looking to buy a Skype phone that would of been £12 and then i would have to sign up to their phone service and i think they charge more.. i know they charge for voicemail.. and thats FREE on Tesco.

This phone cost me £15 and i had a £5 call time voucher with it.. so you see im better off.

When i signed up i was asked to pick a phone number from the list.. as i live in Bristol i did pick a bristol number. 0117 but i could of picked any number i like..

So my new Internet phone number is 0117 379 0343

Interested? check out the website here.. http://www.tescointernetphone.com/

FREE CALLS to other Tesco internet phone customers anywhere in the world! Why not send another Tesco internet phone pack to family or friends, wherever they are in the world, and stay in touch more often, for FREE!

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The above is from the pen of……. Bob

Ok i got up to find my internet connection down.. i had a red light on the router. So I rebooted it and it came back online.. Tiscali must of dropped me over night..

But that was not all…

On starting my browser i could not access any websites.. and MSN would not log in.. typical DNS problems… so i checked my settings and they were right so…. i had to ring Tiscali support to see if their DNS server was having problems..

Well i spoke to a very nice Indian Lady.. yes support is in India.. and she went through the usual stuff.. stuff i had already done but you have to humour them.. in the end she did check the DNS server, only to find it was ok.. So she then said as i am using a router and not the plastic modem they gave me i have to contact the router support as it sounds like a router problem. So to keep her happy i did.

Linksys support is a free phone 0800 number great… i got through to an American office that asked what Linksys product i wanted support for.. i was then diverted to……………. yes it sounded like an Indian man.. oh well.

After checking the router settings and finding that it had the wrong DNS settings for DNS 1 (this i already had found before i rang them) he then told me how to change the settings.. This was done and a router reboot was in place..

It came back online to show a red light…. so we waited for it to connect but still a red light.. this puzzled the support man.. Ok lets reboot it again he said.. as i  was just about to the light went green yesssssssssssss.

So i started my browser and i had pages load up fine..

What caused it? how did the settings change over night? we dont know just that Tiscali must of disconnected me over night to do some work on the server. and it never came back properly.. Any way i now have a static DNS thats ok unless Tiscali change the servers….

Oh the joys of the Internet.. 

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The above is from the pen of……. Bob