middleagefella's

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that read $5.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first … that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes he says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room, and waited for it to say something. The bird carefully looked around the room, then it looked at her and said, "New house … new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the parrot looked at both of them, and said, "New house … new madam … new hookers."
The girls were at first a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the whole situation.
She then began to think about how to explain this to Keith, her husband. Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. Before he had time to close the door, the bird took one look at him and said, "Hi Keith."

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob

hahaha noooooooooooo comment.

  Click photo to enlarge..

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob

This ad was placed by a woman in the Autotrader……….

  Click photo to enlarge..

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob

60 Minute Present

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for Christmas – she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."

His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."
Adam decided to to his friend's advice.

On Boxing day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," Adam replied.

"Did she like it?"

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob

Well what can i say??

Watch and you will see.. or do you already know…………….

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob

They said it could not happen but i proved them wrong… i found what every one said could not happen… i found the end… look HERE

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob

Over 18 only please….
Christmas is cumming

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob

Actual amout of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200

Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000

Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons

Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons

Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour

Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour

Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7

Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150

Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches

Average length when erect: 5.1

Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch

Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches

Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)

Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet

Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall

Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start excercising, lose weight.

Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, and wheat germ

Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%

Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%

Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks

Average # of erections per day for a man: 11

Average # of erections during the night: 9

Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches

The human equalivent: 26 miles (a marathon distance)

Time it takes the sperm: 2.5 seconds

Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours

Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)

Shelf life of a hostess twinkie: 7 years

Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100

Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm

Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm

Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm

# of times condoms are thicker that plastic wrap: almost 6

In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet.

Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste.

Dairy products can create a foul taste.

The taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest.

ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE.

Examples: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown

Drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun.

Odors that increase blood flow to the penis:lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. (Happy Thanksgiving!)

Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower.

It is common for men to wake up with "morning wood," a name for an a.m. erection.

Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false.

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob

Ok you may not of heard about bumkeys YET but you will very soon.

In Holland and Germany break ins have risen why? easy.. the way people can get in… but i have a good lock on my door you will say. Ok you have the best tumbler lock there is.. (yale type) but with a "Bumpkey" some one could open that lock in a few seconds without damaging the lock…

 Fact.. its happening right now.. and its happening in the states.. and could well be happening here. The keys can be made at home very easy or bought ready made very cheap.. i have seen a set for just $10 other sets cost $25 and they open 80 – 90% of all tumbler locks..

 How to be safe? use a mortice lock as well as your Yale type.. bumpkeys dont work on them..

Watch the video here…Bumpkeys in action

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob

Over 18 only please..
Sexy Magic Show

……………………………………………
The above is from the pen of……. Bob